Hoi An is a lovely town, and one of these days I hope to return when it is not raining! After two days of incessant rain, and with a forecast of days of the same to come, I finally gave up and returned north to Hue.

In Hue it was raining also, though not as much. I managed to squeeze in a short visit to a couple of the famous imperial tombs nearby (which were actually quite atmospheric in the drizzle!) before boarding the night-train to Hanoi.

After a pleasant and restful journey, I arrived in Hanoi in the early hours of Monday morning. Here at least it was not raining, but since I had arrived before dawn I decided it would be prudent to catch a proper taxi rather than risk a Hanoi traffic in the dark on the back of a motorcycle cab. After about a hundred metres, the taxi suddenly screeched to a halt. Looking up, I realised that we were at a red traffic light. “Police! police!” the driver laughed apologetically - indicating that he wouldn’t have bothered to stop had the police not been there!!!

“You don’t need to apologise for stopping at red lights!” I said. “Feel free to stop at all them!” I wasn’t at all surprised when the driver unhesitatingly drove straight through the next red light! Remaining calm, I said in light way “I’m sure that’s one of the ones you were supposed to stop at?!?” The driver just laughed. Welcome to Hanoi where road rules are strictly optional.

Hanoi’s traffic is of a whole different character to Bangkok or Phnom Penh. In the former, traffic operates in a state of near constant organised gridlock. In the latter, traffic flows incessantly at alarming speeds with a fair amount of free-for-all thrown in for good measure. In Hanoi traffic is low-speed, extreme chaos. The footpaths are always overflowing with food vendors, parked motorcycles, goods for sale and house-hold detritus, so pedestrians are forced to walk on the road constantly. There are few controlled crossings, and even where they exist they are mostly ignored by both pedestrians and traffic, so everyone crosses the road by simply stepping out in front of oncoming traffic. 90% of the vehicles on the road are motorcycles, bicyles and cycle rickshaws who lean almost constantly on the horn while dodging and weaving around the pedestrians and other obstacles using whichever side of the road appears convenient at the time. In short, the streets are total bedlam.

After escaping the taxi with my life, my next job was to find a hotel. Till now I had thought the Vietnamese unfailingly gentle, helpful, friendly and honest in total contradiction of the character ascribed to them by fellow tourists I’d met. I now discovered the Hanoi residents to be a rather different breed. Mind you, if I lived in Hanoi’s constant honking and shouting, I think it would change me too!

The hotel I was interested in was still firmly shut when the taxi pulled up at 6am, so I waited patiently hoping reception would open at 6:30. While waiting I idly asked round in a couple of nearby hotels, all of which were full. Meanwhile a couple of guys on a motorcycle pulled up wanting me to go and see their hotel. I was pretty against the idea, but having consulted my map to check the hotel was nearby, and realising that there was nothing better doing for 20 minutes, I agreed to get on the back of the bike to see their hotel. They dropped me at the hotel, about 1 km away, and roared off, only for me to discover that the hotel had no rooms available yet! Incensed, I stormed out and walked back to where I’d been, only to be approached by another guy touting his hotel. I was again deeply suspicious and dismissive, but he insisted it was only “30″ metres away, so I followed him maybe 200 metres, to once again discover that they had no rooms to show me! Furious for having fallen for the same nonsense twice, I again stormed out and returned to where I had been, only to be approached by yet a THIRD tout. This tout was trying to drag me to a hotel up the street that I already knew to be full. I refused to budge despite his protestations that there was a room available until he finally rang the hotel on his mobile only to sheepishly confirm that they had in fact no rooms!!!

Feeling slightly stressed, I decided to take a break and walk to a nearby patisserie/boulangerie described in the guide, where I had a restoring breakfast of top-notch pain au chocolat and hot chocolate. Returning to my hotel of choice, I was glad to see that it was finally open. On enquiring if they had a room, the receptionist to my relief said “Yes! Yes!” and immediately got on the phone. Thinking that she was checking with housekeeping that the room was clean, I took my bag off and sat patiently leafing through a book. Fifteen minutes later I was still waiting so I went to hurry them up. They looked embarassed and said just to wait a minute. Then it turned out that they didn’t have a room after all, but I could have a room at their *other* hotel up the street. I was ropable, but what to do? So I very grumpily agreed to see the other hotel, which had at least a clean and presentable room which I took. After 20 minutes of blessed repose, the jack-hammers started up next door….. Did I want to move hotel they wanted to know?…

After finally securing a quiet room, I spent most of the day quietly catching up on rest, and checking out tours to Halong Bay. I was offered prices ranging from $35 to $150 for the apparently more or less the same tour, and decided to plump for a mid-range offer of $75 in the optimistic hope that the extra money might actually translate to a better tour!!!

The next day I duly picked up by mini-van and driven about three hours down to Halong City, from where we transferred to a boat that chugged out into the islands for a couple of hours. On chatting to my fellow tour participants, I was unsurprised to discover that everyone else had paid half what I had! The islands were stunningly beautiful however, and tour seemed competently organised, so I took the view that I had paid a price I was willing to pay so had no reason to complain so long as the service was good. That night we slept overnight on the boat which seemed a bit pointless to be honest, since we were only 100 metres away from the rather gaudy neon-lit harbour hotel we were to stay in the next night, but the boat itself was of an excellent standard, and my cabin was not only very spacious, but boasted an ensuite bathroom complete with running hotwater shower.

The next day I discovered why I had paid extra as it turned out that I was to be the sole participant in a special “expensive” program as well as staying, and eating at a different (more expensive) hotel than everyone else. This was actually a bit disappointing in a way, since I’d made friends on the boat, and it rather ruined the spirit of camaraderie! I had a fantastic day however, with an entire boat large enough to comfortably transport 20 people, a captain, crew, guide and two-person kayak all chartered solely for my benefit! The kayaking was great fun, and we stopped repeatedly to profit from breath-takingly beautiful beaches which we had entirely to ourselves because they could only be approached by boat. I’ve never been a beach person, mainly because I can’t take the heat, so I was intrigued to discover that at 20 degrees celcius - well below beach temperature for most people - I suddenly really enjoyed the beach and could happily stay there much longer than usual!

The next day was mostly consigned to the trip back to Hanoi, which was rather cramped and tiring.